Saying Yes.

My heart has been stirring with the need to share what's been so heavy upon it but with sharing the deepest part of us also comes fear, and hesitation at times. The Lord has really been pushing me towards sharing and has totally changed my perspective on that specific kind of vulnerability these past few weeks.

There is one word that has been in the forefront of my mind and my heart this year.

 Obedience.

Obedience always seems easy... when we can dictate the details, right? "Of course Lord, I will say yes, but now may not be the right time... right God?" Or, "Yes! Send me... when things are a little less chaotic and my focus can be entirely on that plan you have." I can just see the Father looking at me and smirking, "oh Allyson, where is your faith?" 

This fall Zach and I spent so much time in prayer and really digging in the word, trying to find patience as we waited on the Lord. We have both said for years, we knew we would adopt one day, when God would reveal his timing and make a way. We knew adoption would be apart of our blueprints; a part of the way our family would grow. 

In the last two years my heart has completely changed with a passion for solely adoption, to a heart for foster care as well. Zach expressed hesitation and fear to the idea, which is totally understandable! And honestly I used to have those same fears too. But again, God and his ways! He has placed the right people in our paths, the right sermons, articles, and friendships to begin softening his heart as well, and suddenly we saw foster care and adoption as a true possibility for our family... in the future. Last fall, we continued to pray about timing and wanted to have a clear understanding about whether our family was complete biologically, or if we would have one more. I felt him leading us to contact a local agency to learn more about becoming licensed as a foster/adoptive family in the state of Missouri. We received an information packet in the mail and we had all the butterflies! So many emotions flooded our minds as we would look at it every few days, looking at the next dates for licensing classes, etc. The following week everything changed when we found out we were pregnant with our fourth little babe! I immediately began thinking, "well there's our answer, I guess this whole foster care/adoption calling will play out a little further into the future than we had thought. Maybe we will be those people who are called to foster and/or adopt once our kids are out of high school. I mean, our hands are full already... can you imagine?!" Honestly it was a bit of a relief in a way, we didn't have to face any fears or feel responsible about this calling for the time being. "Off the hook, now we will focus on the present and I think God will show us when the timing is right," or so we thought.

It's funny how life works and how sometimes our own thinking can be so "off." In the beginning of our marriage we imagined lots of kids!! Then we had Eli and we were both like, hmmmm, maybe two kids will be perfect! Then, God surprised us with three, and now, soon to be four! My heart has multiplied each time and I have been continually amused at how I always think I have the best plans instead of allowing God to plan our family. Little Everett, who we will meet in July, is more than I could have ever dreamed of, but how thankful I am that God is forming him for our family. "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. - Isaiah 55:8. 

Remember those friends, sermons, articles, and connections I mentioned that God was using to reach our hearts... those things didn't go away this year. He continued to lean into us, to stretch us and break our hearts for those things that break his. "Really God? Now? With everything that's going on? We have three kids under six and another on the way, remember?" 

Obedience.

After a series of events, those licensing classes that usually take place in the evenings, in a city forty-five minutes away... they were suddenly scheduled to be held at our church on Saturdays during the day. The sweetest friends decided to provide free child care for the classes in the room next door. And in an instant God made it so very clear, "This is it. This is the time." An overwhelming peace poured over us in ways that I couldn't even begin to explain. And while the devil has tried to still stir up hesitation in different ways, the Lord and his truth remain stronger. Thoughts like, "what will people think? Surely they'll think we've lost our minds. What about our kids? Will they be okay with all of this?" But God is faithful!! His voice is so much bigger. 

He has been saying to me, "Instead of worrying about what people will think, share your story. Share what I am teaching you. I intend to use it to reach others too. Yes, your kids will grow and stretch and have their hearts invested, but they will learn so much more about who I am through it all too. I have given you so much in means of love and truth, give it out, it isn't yours to keep. Share me with the children who need a place to stay... walk along side of families who are needing a little extra help to get on their feet. Show them my love as you love on their kids. Just rest in me. I don't expect you to go out and "save the system" or do more than you feel you are able. I expect you to say yes and trust that I will equip you with what you need, because I will. I am not asking you to be enough, I am telling you that I am. Believe me. Obey." 

Last Saturday we completed our first foster care class, and this Saturday we will attend the second. We have two more foster classes to follow this one, then two adoption classes, and a home study to complete. I won't humor us all and say I know when we will say "yes" to our first placement... because I'm going to try to resist the urge to plan it all out myself. We all know how that's gone in the past. For now we are taking it one step at a time, on the road to becoming a licensed foster and adoptive family! You know what's really exciting? We are walking alongside fourteen other families who have also said yes to the same calling!! God is doing big things in this county and I feel so privileged to be involved. We ask that you would pray for us and for all the children waiting on places to stay, waiting for people to call family. What we are doing isn't something I share for credit of any kind, but to remind us all that Gods ways are so much greater. He is willing to equip us in ways we could never imagine if we are willing to obey. We need to stop making excuses when he is calling us. His ways are so much greater!! He deserves all the glory and honor and praise for what is he is doing! 

2017 is proving to be a year we will never forget.